Today in my usual chasing my own tail/knocking down walls/attempting to build Rome, I began to think my success at becoming more disciplined, focused, and calculating in getting more work done faster worked against me. Where do I get off thinking I'm some sort of robot that can just punch things out like an assembly line?
The air was not right in the studio from the start, but I couldn't stop wrestling with it for some reason. I can joke about it now, but I was in a frustrating place, because I went in there first thing with a must do list of things I expected to finish today, once and for all, no exceptions! But the paint, paper, glue, canvas, lighting, etc. had a different plan. I'm usually pretty balanced about these things, and when I have a day where stuff just refuses to work right, I put it all down, go off and do something else. But I think I rolled in with the wrong attitude in the first place, and that set the tone for little things to go wrong, left and right, as though something were testing me, saying, "ha- who do you think you are- you can only control so much!".
I think the issue is, that in a need for control, I am a chronic list maker. I frequently make lists, both mental lists and on paper because I want to feel that I am accomplishing things and making progress in my personal life, my creative work, and in business. I am at the point where I get a high when I can check things off, lol. It started out as a great way to get goals on track. Lists of small, doable steps are great for getting things done. But this constructive practice may just be backfiring on me. It's bad, because the more I get done, the more I need to get more done (twisted, right?). I'm like some B movie monster that's consuming cities, growing bigger, only to consume more! The point is not to make a list for the day, then have a cow when you can't check anything off! I gave myself a headache because some paint didn't dry right? What is that?!?!
Dear Me: Let it go- go watch a movie or read a book and go to bed! Tomorrow is another day!
The air was not right in the studio from the start, but I couldn't stop wrestling with it for some reason. I can joke about it now, but I was in a frustrating place, because I went in there first thing with a must do list of things I expected to finish today, once and for all, no exceptions! But the paint, paper, glue, canvas, lighting, etc. had a different plan. I'm usually pretty balanced about these things, and when I have a day where stuff just refuses to work right, I put it all down, go off and do something else. But I think I rolled in with the wrong attitude in the first place, and that set the tone for little things to go wrong, left and right, as though something were testing me, saying, "ha- who do you think you are- you can only control so much!".
Dear Me: Let it go- go watch a movie or read a book and go to bed! Tomorrow is another day!
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