Yesterday I heard the news that a schoolmate of mine passed away. At 39, a massive heart attack ended his life. The first thing I often think about when I hear of someone passing at (what is considered) an early age, is, "Were they happy? Did they do the things that made them happy and spend the time with the people that mattered to them? Would they have lived differently if they had known?"
There's no going back. And that's the point. Sorry for the cliche, but tomorrow is not promised. I personally live by that understanding, and it has created an urgency in me to complete the things I think I'm here to do in the time that I have, which is, truly, only NOW, for sure. This moment.
The thought of leaving here without being/doing/having/knowing/sharing what I came here for is one of my very biggest motivators. It keeps me going when I'm exhausted, projects don't go as planned, and I feel like quitting. I sometimes get the feeling some of my own peers can't relate to my drive in my creative work, my anxiety to get it done today. I feel like they wonder why I don't just work a regular job, with less pressure to sink or swim. But I live to glance in my rearview mirror and see the very personal dreams I've accomplished, then keep moving forward. I think many don't relate to the sacrifices I've made to pursue my artistic dreams. This Saturday, I will turn the ripe old age of 38 (believe me when I say I feel like 28 is more accurate). I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm well on the road there. If I were to take a moment to consider my life, and how I would feel about my choices if it were to end tomorrow, at the very least, I can say that even though I didn't have or get to do everything I would have liked, I enjoyed many blessings, and I was true to myself and my dreams.
The thought of leaving here without being/doing/having/knowing/sharing what I came here for is one of my very biggest motivators. It keeps me going when I'm exhausted, projects don't go as planned, and I feel like quitting. I sometimes get the feeling some of my own peers can't relate to my drive in my creative work, my anxiety to get it done today. I feel like they wonder why I don't just work a regular job, with less pressure to sink or swim. But I live to glance in my rearview mirror and see the very personal dreams I've accomplished, then keep moving forward. I think many don't relate to the sacrifices I've made to pursue my artistic dreams. This Saturday, I will turn the ripe old age of 38 (believe me when I say I feel like 28 is more accurate). I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm well on the road there. If I were to take a moment to consider my life, and how I would feel about my choices if it were to end tomorrow, at the very least, I can say that even though I didn't have or get to do everything I would have liked, I enjoyed many blessings, and I was true to myself and my dreams.
Don't get me wrong, even in my urgency, I try to stop short of being anxious about life being over any day now. I don't think that's a good way to live, especially if you believe thoughts and words become things. But that being said, I maintain daily, the need to check off a list of dreams, (sometimes big, but mostly small, bite sized ones) that I've made my reality. And then I spend time being consciously thankful for them. It's the icing on the cake if something I'm doing inspires someone else to do the same for their life. My thought for today: make the most of the joy, pain, lessons, laughs, people, and things you have now, and to take it a step further, really take time to feel gratitude for those things and the time you had to experience them!
RIP Chris Combs 1972-2012
Oh no! I didn't hear that. Yes. It's time out for the dibble dabble. Let's do this or give it up.
ReplyDeleteVery inspired by your words!
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